I’ve got some real talk for you guys.
This morning I woke up at 5.20 am to go to a pilates class with a friend. But unfortunately that didn’t quite happen. You know that voice in your head that sometimes gets the best of you? Melissa Ambrosini calls it your ‘mean girl’. I like to think of it as my ‘old self’ I’ve worked pretty hard to break away from.
Well, this morning it got the best of me.
If I’m being completely honest with you guys, birthday week fulllllyyyy ruined me. I’ve been eating out and snacking on junk and I’ve had my fair share of alcoholic drinks… but most importantly I haven’t exercised in over 7 days.
For god knows why, I’ve made every excuse as to why I can’t exercise… ‘oh my tan will come off’, ‘I have too much to do today’… and it has impacted me both mentally and physically. To be frank, I feel like a little blob. I’ve eaten and drank wayyyy too much and not compensated for it with exercise.
Now, I’m all about a balanced life and letting loose from time to time, but I have definitely pushed the boundaries on ‘balance’ this past two weeks. I’ve known for days that I have needed to get back on track, get back into my routine and start eating healthy and exercising again. That for me is when I feel like my best and brightest self. But this morning for the first time in months, that voice got the best of me. ‘Don’t go, stay in bed. You’ve put on weight, those thin girls at pilates will judge you. You don’t belong there’.
Now its been a LONG time since I have let those types of thoughts get the best of me. I’ve become pretty good a loving myself for me and accepting that I am an imperfectly-perfect work in progress. Sure, thoughts come and go when I look in the mirror or I’m putting clothes on, or if I’m going somewhere for the first time, but I have learnt how to push past it and ‘act confident’ (thank you Sarah’s Day) and not let it control me. But today it did.
I laid there in bed and told myself not to get up. Even though I knew it would be good for me to get my body moving and to start the day off on the right track. I battled with myself for half an hour before I got myself up, got dressed and told myself ‘Nope, just go for a walk. Start slow. Just do something, you can do this’. Well of course I got half way down the street and it was raining and the voice said ‘it’s too wet, go home’. So I did, when in truth it was drizzling at best.
Once I got home I knew that there was obviously a reason that my mind was telling me these things and that I needed to just stop for a second and be real with myself. Why were these anxieties rearing their ugly head?
I feel guilty that I haven’t been eating the greatest and haven’t been exercising and it’s making me feel unlike my best self. What small thing can I do right now to start to make that better? Just break it down and start with one thing I can control, right now. What is going to make me feel good, right now? What does my body need?
So I sat down, made myself a ‘Steph strength’ green tea and listened.
I know that exercising makes me feel on top of the world, it starts my day off brilliantly and leaves me feeling amazing. So lets start there.
So I decided to go to an F45 class instead, somewhere familiar and homely. Get those endorphins running and the body moving. I came home and had a nice shower and made myself a nourishing meal. I needed to be kind to myself.
After that my mind seemed at ease. I had made a start and that was enough. I think by validating what I was feeling and then just trying to start with one thing that I could control in that moment and going from there, really helped.
I know I am not alone here. We all have bad days. We all battle with the demons in our heads telling us nasty thoughts and keeping us from doing the things we want to do. But just be kind to yourself, we’re all a work in progress.
Every day for me is about discovering more and more about myself and listening and learning about what my body needs (and doesn’t need) and just trying to be better. I think thats all we can do, right? I know now that for myself, I function better mentally and physically when I have healthy food and exercise at the forefront of my life. So thats what this week’s goal is. To get back into routine and to continue living my active, healthy lifestyle.
If you or anyone you know is going through a hard time or might just need someone to talk to, here are some amazing services that help countless people every day ❤
Or you can donate to one of these wonderful humans (or anyones) Movember causes, raising awareness for mens mental and physical health ❤
Be better, be the change.
Thanks for being here,